Lady Azurite
by VintageHart
Summary: Azurite struggles with her feelings for Steven, whether her loyalties belongs to the new heir to the Crystal Gems, or to his deceased mother, Rose Quartz. While she struggles with her own feelings new problems start to arise, the fear of another war looming just inches in front of them. The question still stood, would she have enough time to sort herself out before the final fight?
1. I'll Do It For Them

The crash of the waves, the push and the pull of the water dragging along the fine sand, it made me feel at home. At peace with myself for once, it felt so good to be away, even just for a few minutes. I ran my fingertips along the surface of the water, it chilled me slightly, but I did not flinch. No self respecting gem would shy away from a little water, after all. I sighed, wrapping my arms around my legs and resting my chin on my knees, depression still looming over my head. 'Why does it have to be so hard?' I thought, 'Why does it have to be this way?'

Someone settled down into the sand beside me, I turned to find Garnet sitting there, eyes hidden behind her shades, lips drawn in a tight line. "You shouldn't be alone out here, Azurite". She scolded me gently, but I still shrank under it. Force of habit I guess, Garnet was something of an authority figure recently.

"I just needed some time away..." I muttered, staring out, refusing to meet her gaze.

"You know its dangerous to be by yourself," She raised a hand and set it on my shoulder. When I cringed she drew back quietly, but I knew it hurt her. "Azurite, you know you can't do this to yourself again".

"Do what?" I snapped, grip on my legs tightening. "Think? Am I not allowed to think now?"

Garnet sighed, exasperated with me at this point, and I didn't exactly blame her anymore. "That's not what I meant and you know it. Its not good for you to seclude yourself like this, Rose will start to worry, and you know we can't place any extra stress on her right now..."

I huffed, fingers digging into the worn material of my long skirt. "Why? Because of the baby, because of precious little Steven?" I knew the words came out harsh, and I didn't care. "I don't care about Steven, Garnet. Its because of him that Rose is dying".

"Azurite..." I struggled not to shrink away under her anger, "You know you don't mean that. Even you can't hate an innocent child".

"Innocent?" I scoffed, bitterness gathering in my heart at the mere notion of it. "Is he truly that innocent, Garnet? Hes killing his mother, whether its intentional or not, hes killing her. And for what? So he can be born? Whats a half human have that Rose doesn't? Why does he even deserve to-"

"Azurite!" This time I shrunk, falling back first onto the sand, hangs flinging up to protect myself. "Mind yourself! You know just as well as I do how much that boy deserves to live, just the same as any of us. How dare you implicate otherwise, what would Rose say?"

"I..."

"Exactly. You know exactly what she would say, Azurite. And you should be ashamed of yourself," She caught herself there, I swear I could see the anger brewing behind her shades. "Rose is sacrificing everything she has for Steven, everything. She will no longer live when Steven can carry on, she realizes this. But she accepts it, she is HAPPY about it. And you, what can you say for yourself?..."

I averted my eyes again, feeling hot tears form underneath. "I just...I just don't want to see her die..."

"And I do?"

I looked up to see tears on Garnet's cheeks, actual real live tears, the revelation made me freeze on the spot. Garnet was crying. Garnet, our stoic, level headed Garnet was crying. In front of someone, in front of me of all people. I didn't know how to process it. All I could do was stare...

"None of us want to see Rose die, Azurite. Pearl is in ruins thinking about it, Amethyst hardly eats anymore, and me...You saw, I almost..." She looked away, hand shooting up to wipe at her tears. "I almost came undone, Azurite. That's no small matter, so don't...don't you dare act like you are the only one suffering".

"Garnet..."

She waved me away, already rising to her feet. "Enough. I'm done talking about this for the night, I just came to tell you that Rose wanted doughnuts, and I was wondering if you wanted one as well..."

"I'm...I'm okay..."

She nodded, turning her back and walking away without another word to me. I hung my head in shame, careless to the tears on my face. 'What am I doing?' I thought, 'How can I be so selfish?...'

Steven didn't do anything wrong, it wasn't his fault that he was going to be born. He hadn't asked for that, Rose and Greg had agreed that they wanted a child. Steven was just the product of their love, their sweet love that I failed to understand. It was no real surprise that I was so bitter, but to blame an innocent child? I felt sick...

'I'm going to be better...' I promised myself, wiping at my tears. 'Not just for me, for everyone...for her, and for Steven...'

I nodded an affirmative to myself, 'Yes, I'm going to do this for them.'


	2. Fight or Flight?

"Aaa!" I yelled out a furious battle cry as I tore forward, driving the length of my sword through my opponent. Technically it was just an instrument, a tool at my disposal, rather than a true weapon, but it served the purpose just the same.

The hologram faded quickly with a small cry of discomfort. I sheathed my sword without delay, a small sigh escaping my lips. It was just too easy, these holograms were hardly worth fighting anymore. A servant rushed forward to accept my scabbard, muttering to themselves about my glory and perfect form. I ignored all of their feeble attempts to please me and went on my way, flowing skirts swaying behind me as I strode out of the practice room. The poor lighting of the hall took a minute to adjust to, but per usual I adjusted quickly, and was on my way down the familiar corridor in seconds. The long hallway, decorated with paintings and murals I had personally made myself, had three doors on either side, all of which led to empty rooms. My home was full of those, empty rooms, empty spaces, but it never seemed to bother me...

Until recently.

Recently I had began to loath the empty rooms, the empty spaces, the quiet of my estranged estate almost annoying to me now. The only thing that brought me comfort were the tapes I had my servants bring me from the town several miles away, a remote little place just of the coast. Several leagues away from any civilization, but I was even farther. My Walkman was my only modern comfort besides plumbing, but that was only for the servants, I rarely used it myself other than to bathe. The only exception being the occasional glass of wine or pastry, sweets were something of a weakness to me. I threw open the door at the end of the hall, an ornate wooden piece I had carved myself, revealing the master suite just behind it.

It was a rather large room, too big for me honestly, meagerly but warmly decorated with paintings, sketches, homespun quilts and tones of dark blue setting a demure, yet elegant mood. I wiggled out of my skirt and corseted top, laying naked on the bed, breathing in the sweet smell of freshly washed bedding. Relaxation threatened to throw me into the toil of sleep, but I resisted it, barely. Content just to lie there and stare at the curtains dancing in the wind provided by the open window behind them. It brought with it the smell of the sea, something I both cherished and hated, as it brought up a very strange cocktail of feelings. Years worth of them that I had carefully picked apart and disected until they fell just into place...most of the time.

Until I caught a whiff of salt air, then they all fell apart.

In that respect I suppose buying a property that overlooked the ocean was a bad choice, but I couldn't resist those blue depths.

My fingers traced vaguely over my gem, sparks radiating through them at the contact. In it I could still feel traces of my last embrace, my final memory of the Crystal Gems, before I turned away from them and began my solitude. Garnet wrapped her arms tightly around me, so tight I was afraid I would break under it, she told me it would be okay. She would forgive me for going away. It was...nothing like I had expected, especially from her. Pearl lingered off to the side, barely able to look at me, Amethyst was the comic relief of the situation, but it brought little comfort. And then, just barely visible in the corner of my eye, I saw Greg standing there. A little bundle cradled protectively in his arm...A white blanket, a tuft of black, fluffy hair just visible between a gap of fabric...

I pushed it away. The memory to unpleasant to recall, but it had floated around me for days now, refusing to depart.

Steven had been a few days old at best when I left, just a little thing. A helpless, innocent little thing that was oddly quiet for a baby. I held him once, and cried so severely that Garnet took him from me before I dropped him. That had been years ago, Steven was grown now, at least nine I think. Maybe older, I wasn't quite sure anymore. As much as I had wanted to stay, be apart of the new Crystal Gems, I was too shattered and distraught to be of any service to them. My exile was my choice, and Garnet had backed my decision under one condition, that I could be summoned back if the need was great enough. And for that reason, and that reason alone, I had spent my years training and perfecting my technique. Yet as hard as I tried I could no longer summon my weapon, too broken hearted perhaps, or simply not motivated enough. So I was forced to rely on human weapons, forged with gem materials they held better than their flimsy tools, but I still doubted their overall reliability.

Sitting up I brought one of my pillows to my chest, hugging the soft material against my body as if it were another person. That it may bring me some sort of comfort, the kind that I used to find in other gems, maybe even a human or two. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on it, imagining that it held its own heat, its own scent, its own touch. But as hard as I tried it still failed to bring me what I needed, entirely at least. I forced myself to lay back down and cuddle with it. 'Better than nothing at all', I told myself, 'You could have nothing at all...'

A knock at the door reminded me to cover myself with a blanket, as humans were oddly prude with the bare form. "Enter," I stated flatly, no hint of my pessimistic mood.

The servant came in quietly, a piece of paper clutched tightly in her little hand. She hesitated just a moment before saying in her squeaky little voice: "Lady Azurite, The Crystal Gems have sent word..."

I froze, fingers digging into my pillow, ice spreading through my body.

"They are summoning you to fight, My Lady".


	3. Our Second, But First Meeting

The belongings I packed were sparse and carefully spread out in the duffelbag sitting on my bed. It looked out of place among the elegance that stood beneath it, like an unwelcome guest at a soiree. I hadn't packed anything personal other than my Walkman and a few tapes that I found pleasing. Though I supposed my clothes might be considered personal, perhaps. Even still none of them had any value, not even comparing to what I had left behind in my closet. My most precious and dearly held outfits hung there, to be cleaned and ironed once weekly by the servants in my absence. I'd left the task to Sally, having always trusted and liked her more than the others. She understood the importance of the task, she would do just fine.

Tossing the bag over my shoulder without delay I heaved a big sigh of regret and started to take my leave. In my wake I left a single note sitting on the bedside table, instructions and a code of conduct to be upheld until I returned. Sally bowed as I passed her, having left the key to my room in her pocket earlier I knew she would have full access to what she required. I nodded at her, indicating in someway that I was indeed leaving, but I was certainly returning once my purpose was fulfilled. The stairs leading down to the ground level were grand and intricate, lined with extravagant carvings of gem history and, of course, a portrait of the Crystal Gems. I brushed my hand against the heart of Rose's gem as I passed her, grief clawing angrily at my chest.

Suppressing the urge to slip into depression I managed to walk past her and to the warp pad. Anxiety crept through me slowly, then all at once as the old machine started to glimmer. I squeezed my eyes tight and found myself whispering to a mysterious force, 'Guide me so I may be of help'.

Gems didn't believe in a deity specifically, but then again I had always set myself apart from the others in that respect.

I had almost forgotten what it felt like to warp. My knees threatened to buckle under me when the process started, my grip on my bag strap turned almost deadly. I scarcely remembered to open my eyes during my short, but awe inspiring travel. The sights rapidly flying in front of my eyes not entirely lost, 'Its so...vast,' I thought, tongue skimming across my lips, 'Vast and dangerous...' Indeed it was, and soon I would be putting my life on the line for it. Again. It was something I hadn't done in years, and I could only pray I still had the talent for it.

I had to take a moment to pause when I first took in my new surroundings. Instead of the familiar ancient surroundings of the temple, I was greeted with the inside of...a beach house. 'What the devil?' I thought to myself, looking around at the odd interior. 'When did they build this?'

"When Steven was born," A reply came from behind me.

I whirled around to see the chest of a rather tall individual, and suddenly I felt rather small and...scared under the gaze of the imperious Garnet. "Hello, Garnet..." I squeaked, "You've...not changed".

A smile made her emotionless face fill with ease, "Neither have you". What did she mean by that? I thought I had changed quite a bit really.

Adjusting the strap of my bag, I averted my gaze to peer into the kitchen, where Amethyst would no doubt be occupying in a few minutes. "This is a...quint place you have here. Nice environment for...uh..."

Garnet nodded her head, crossing her arms over her chest. "Parenting, yes it is. Steven seems to like it, which is all that really matters." She pointed up to the loft, and I finally noticed the bed sitting there. "He sleeps there, usually. Unless he falls asleep watching TV down here, that is". There was a touch of pride in her tone, and her eyes softened in such a slight manner that it took the practiced eye of someone like me to notice it.

Wow, she really had embraced the whole mother thing. Not exactly what I was expecting from her. "That's nice..."

"Yeah," Garnet was serious faced again, and adjusted her shades a bit. "It is. Hes a good boy, a lot like..."

"Rose". I finished for her, heart dropping again. "That's nice too...I think..."

"It can be hard".

I looked back at her, a bit startled to hear it coming from her mouth. 'Garnet might look the same, but shes...different, somehow...'

Her gaze shifted back down to me, I tried not to squirm. "Its hard on all of us at times, Pearl mostly, as you might think. But shes getting better," a hint of a smile, "We all are, I think. Steven likes to keep us happy..."

"Y-Yeah," I muttered, "Right. So...When do I get to meet him?"

Garnet shuffled her feet, almost impatiently. "Hes just outside, building sandcastles I think."

I nodded, setting my bag down on the counter. "Do you think I should...bring him something? A gift?"

Garnets laugh was equally a startling to me as her sudden openness. Even back in the good days, Garnet's laughs were spaced far between, I'd forgotten the sound of it. How oddly light and pure it was, echoing through the beach house like a pleasant breeze. "Nah. Steven's excited enough to meet you without a gift, we don't want him getting riled up before lunch. It would just spoil it".

"Hes excited to meet me?" The word were foreign. Who in their right mind was excited to meet me?

"Yeah, he gets excited about a lot of things. Gem stuff?" She laughed...again, "Hes practically salivating whenever we bring it up. His last few encounters with gems were a bit..." She trailed off, gesturing at the air. "You know. So hes pretty excited to meet one that's friendly".

Not quite the right words for it, but close enough. I had no intention to hurt him, anyway, unlike the Homeworld gems were sure to have. "Right. Well I'll just..." I started for the door, but a firm grip on my wrist made me twist around. "Garnet?..."

Her lips had formed a hard line, there was distress in her eyes and it made me shiver. "Garnet? What's...?"

She pulled me into an embrace, and I returned it, albeit with much surprise. "Just good to have you back," She muttered, letting me go.

"R-Right".

What on earth had happened here?

Garnet grinned, placing her hands on her wide hips. "Come on then, don't wanna keep Steven waiting do you?"

"Certainly not," I said, already turning to the door.

The salt air. The pure, cold salt air.

It hit me like the waves just a mile or two away, I practically sprinted down those steps. I heard Garnet laughing behind me, close at my heels, but I barely paid attention. Too long, I had stayed away too long, oh it was just so close now...

"Azurite!" A little boy's voice called, just a foot or two away. I saw a little, chubby hand waving vigorously in the air. A heart melting laugh piercing the sound of the waves and the calm of my psyche.

Oh god, that was Rose's laugh...

And her smile, her black eyes, almost her whole face running towards me, a mountain of curly black hair billowing behind the boy I had only held once. Once, yet the memory stuck so profoundly to my brain it still made my heart ache. "Its so nice to meet you!" Steven announced, that grin still on his cute little face.

I didn't know what to say.


	4. Its Nice to Meet You

Steven was a little on the pudgy side, but I found that adorable. That fact alone left me startled. I usually only considered someone's appearance after I had gotten to know them, I didn't know Steven at all. "Its nice to meet you too..." I mumbled, unsure of what else to say.

He smiled, little stars appearing in his black eyes. It was yet another trait that he had gotten from Rose. "Garnet has told me a lot about you. Is it true that you can make the ocean move?" He made a few swooshing gestures and sound effects. "I met a Gem who could do that before, but..." He laughed a little, "Well that's a long story".

I wondered who that was, but I didn't bother to ask. It was probably just a Homeworld Gem...though...I shook my head, it couldn't be *her*. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, Steven, but I don't have any real power over water. At best I can shape it inside of a bubble," I waved my hand and a pink bubble danced on my fingertips. "Do you want me to show you?"

He gasped dramatically and slapped his hands to his cheeks. "Yeah! I'd love to see-"

"Steven," A soft voice came from his left, "Azurite only just got here. Don't you think she'd like a chance to settle in?"

I stiffened when I caught sight of Pearl. She'd changed a little since I last saw her, but not to drastically. "I'm just fine, Pearl. Thank you though".

Pearl plastered a tight lipped smile on her face, I suspected it was forced. "Hello, Azurite. You look a lot different from when I last saw you..."

My free hand immediately went to my hair. I ran my fingers through the short blue locks self-consciously, feeling heat rise up on my cheeks. "I suppose I have. You've changed to, your hair is shorter. I like it. Its very..."

"Mom?" Steven interjected, grinning.

Despite myself I smiled as well. "Yes. Its very mom, it suits you".

She let out a little laugh and ran her fingers through her own hair. I wasn't lying, the haircut did look nice, and it certainly suited her. "Well I wasn't talking just about your hair, you know. Your skin too, its..."

"Pale," I finished for her. "That happened after I left. I don't know why but my best guess is a lack of sunlight. I rarely step outside of my house, this is...a bit of an adjustment".

"I see..." Pearl bit her lip, "Well hopefully that will change now that you're out and about again".

"You were darker before?" Steven asked, looking puzzled.

I nodded, "I was several shades darker, actually."

"Our very own Dark Beauty," Amethyst suddenly appeared behind Steven and laughed.

"I wouldn't go *that* far," I smirked and leaned in to poke her nose. "But yes, I have gotten pale".

Steven pulled a mischievous face. "Maybe your appearance changes when you're moody".

Pearl and Amethyst immediately laughed. I wasn't sure why, so I refused.

"Get it?" He asked nervously, "Mood? Moodstone...?"

Oh. I chuckled softly and ruffled his mane of black hair, "Ah, I get it now. Very funny, but not quite. I'm not sure why I changed, but I did. Thankfully that's the only thing that's changed since I left".

"Except the hair," Amethyst remarked.

"Except the hair".

A shadow suddenly cast down around me. I looked up to see Garnet looming over me with a blank expression, her pouty lips a thin line. "Your gem," she stated numbly.

Something clawed at my stomach. I swallowed hard and tried to remain aloof. "What about it?" I asked innocently, "Its not exactly in the most visible-"

"Stop lying to me, Azurite," Garnet snapped.

I flinched, hand shooting up to cover my gem. "Alright, fine. So its faded a little, its nothing t-"

"Faded?" Steven asked before I could finish. "What does it mean when a Gem's gem is faded?" His voice was full of concern, but why? It wasn't like he knew me.

"Steven," Pearl put her hand on his shoulder and tried to direct him away. "Maybe we should-"

"I want to know," He puffed out his lips in a pout. "Is it bad...?"

"No, no," Pearl hushed him and led him away, talking to him in whispers. Amethyst shot me a sympathetic smile, then followed Pearl.

Garnet's eyes fixed on me. I chewed the inside of my cheek nervously and tried to avert my gaze. "Its nothing, alright? I don't want Steven to think I'm broken or anything. I don't want to seem like that girl that shows up broken straight from the beginning." I tried to smile, "I know you always hated those kinds of stories".

Cool and impassive she said, "A faded gem is usually a sign of depleting power or sickness. Gems aren't supposed to get sick often, if at all. Do you feel alright?"

"Yes, I feel just fine, Garnet. Really," I lifted my hair so she could inspect my gem better. "Take a look for yourself, its only faded a few shades max. Its probably just a result of depression, I was lonely without fellow Gems".

Garnet's gloved hand reached out and touched my gem tentatively, as if she were afraid it might shatter under her touch. "I'm only looking out for you, Azurite. You're a member of the team now and we need you to fight your best out there. Can you even-"

"Summon?" I sighed, "No. I still can't summon my weapon. Which is why I forged my own and brought them with me".

"Azur-"

I turned to face her, taking her hands in mine. "I'm *fine* Garnet. I promise nothing is wrong with me other than a lack of socialization. The most conversation I had at home was banter over how to cut the hedges," A little smirk played on my lips, "Really, humans are very stubborn. But my staff are great people, just not very talkative...to me at least".

"Staff?" Garnet cocked her head, "What do you need staff for?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't really, I could take care of the house myself. Its a large place, though, and it would have taken time away from my training. But I didn't just hire them for work..." I blushed, embarrassed. "I needed people around. Even if we didn't have anything in common. The silence of that house was too annoying after awhile, even for a solitary Gem".

"Do you pay them well?"

I laughed, "Better than I should. People love the art I make, it sells well. Especially in France, evidently".

Garnet chuckled a little, I thought reluctantly. "As long as you feel alright I'll let it slide. But if you start to feel off..."

"I'll tell you".

Garnet stuck up her pinky finger, "Promise?"

I looked at her pinky, puzzled as to why she had raised it. "I promise".

"Its a pinky promise," Garnet informed me with a laugh. She wrapped her pinky around mine and gave it a little squeeze. "Steven taught it to us. Its a human thing, it means you can't break whatever it is you promised".

"I see..." It was an odd tradition to say the least, but sweet. I gave her pinky a firm squeeze, "Well I pinky promise, then".

"Good".

Steven came back a few minutes later with Pearl and Amethyst. He asked me a few questions about my health, and upon hearing I was 'healthy as a horse'(his words, not mine), we started to build sandcastles. We spent most of the day building sandcastles, actually. And I was willing to admit it made me happy seeing Steven smile and laugh, I clapped when he erected a moat around his castle. And I laughed when Garnet up showed him by punching the sand into shape. At least that part of Garnet hadn't changed, she was still a little bit of a showoff.

When the others broke to take Steven inside for dinner, I stayed outside. I promised to join them, but I needed some time alone on the beach. My toes curled in the soft sand beneath my feet, I breathed in the sweet smell of the salt air and felt my entire body melt at its beckoning call. I smiled quite possibly the biggest smile I had smiled all day and spun around in happy circles, my laughter ringing through the air in a pure melodious note. Joy filled me so profusely I felt like I was going to burst. Without even fully realizing it, I started to dance. The movements came naturally to me, surprisingly so, I hadn't danced in years. It reminded me to much of what I had left behind in Beach City, the relationships I had cut off almost completely. A part of *myself* I had cut off completely. But under the setting sun and in front of the rolling waves, I let loose.

I moved fluidly through an old routine I had taught myself. I'd adopted it from traditional earth bellydancing and old homeworld forms Rose had showed us. It had the grace of classic dance, but the sensual, freeing feeling of a Gypsy bellydance. I didn't have the appropriate attire, necessarily, but I thought it looked beautiful even in the absence of clinking jewelry and belts.

When I came down from my momentary high and ceased my dance I realized that I had missed it. Dancing, the beach, the temple, especially the Gems. A little twang of pain twisted my heart when I thought of that. A mental image of Rose appeared in my mind's eyes. It hurt to see her, to think of her. It hurt to see so much of her in Steven. It practically radiated from the boy...But I did not hate him for it. Not like I had expected to anyway.

I ran my hands over my gem and sighed. Everything I felt for Steven was a mix of complications. It was a furious mix of uncertainty and welcoming, of love and anger. 'Hes just a child,' I remembered Garnet telling me once. 'Its not his fault'.

Maybe not, but I still wasn't sure what to feel.


	5. I Challenge You

I smelled salt, but there was no ocean. Barren, sand covered land stretched out for miles all around me. 'What is happening?' I wondered, but I couldn't find an answer.

A sound caught my attention. I jumped, hands snapping to my belt, groping for the knife I kept strapped there. My blood ran cold when I realized it wasn't there, and that I was clothed in a long blue dress instead of my normal attire. I couldn't fight properly in a dress, let alone without a weapon! Panic gripped me. Instinctively I reached for the back of my neck, placing my hands on my gem in hopes of summoning my weapon. It buzzed briefly, a faint glow radiating from its murky surface, but nothing came.

'Blast it all!' I cursed, squeezing my eyes shut. 'Why must I be so helpless?'

"Azurite..."

My eyes snapped open when I heard a familiar voice calling out. "Is that...?" I wondered aloud.

"Azurite!" The voice screamed across the desolate land. Sand whipped up in the force of it, clouding my vision as it soared past my head, forcing me to close my eyes entirely.

"Where are you!?" I screamed, cringing and sputtering when sand filled my mouth.

"Help me!"

"I can't find you!" I cried, tears running down my face. More sand filled my mouth, making it hard to speak. "I need..."

Desperation filled the voice's words, pure and unwavering. "You've killed me!"

"No!" I screamed, arms shooting out to defend myself. When I was met with open air, and the smell of cooking food, I opened my eyes to see the ceiling staring down at me. "What..." I muttered, voice harsh. "But I swore..."

Someone grabbed ahold of one of my hands, pulling it down. "It's okay," I then realized it was Steven, "You were just having a nightmare. I guess you don't sleep much, huh?" He laughed, giving my hand a little squeeze. "Well I guess not. Gems don't need to sleep after all..."

I didn't like the way he was holding me, still I regretted the way I yanked away. He looked so disappointed when I recoiled. "No," I stated flatly, trying to keep the terror out of my voice. "No we don't. And I doubt I'll be doing it anytime soon after that..."

"Nightmares aren't any fun," He smiled, "But I don't get them often. Garnet chases them away."

I didn't really want to laugh, but I couldn't help but muster a little one. The idea of Garnet busting into Steven's mind and chasing nightmares away did sound oddly humorous. "I believe it."

Elated, Steven pointed towards the kitchen. "Do you like to eat? Because Amethyst and I are..." There was a loud crash, and the unmistakable sound of breaking glass. "...Attempting to make pancakes."

"Pancakes?" I had never heard of them before.

His eyes went wide when he saw the confusion on my face. "You've never had pancakes before?" He asked in shock.

I flushed, shaking my head. "I confess that I haven't. I don't usually partake in food, unless..." I hesitated, embarrassed. "Unless it's sweet."

"Well pancakes are sweet!" He announced, grinning. "Especially if you put chocolate chips in them, but Garnet doesn't like it when I do that all the time." His cheeks puffed as he briefly pouted, "So I'm adding blueberries instead. Do you know what those are?"

I didn't, but I nodded as if I did. I didn't want him to know just how little I knew about humans, despite the time I had spent on the planet.

"That's great!" He clapped his hands, then seemed to consider something for a second before asking. "Oh, but do you like them? I can make some without if you-"

"That's quite alright," I said, "Your pancakes sound delightful. I think I shall have some."

His eyes filled with sparkling stars. "That's great! I mean," He blushed, rubbing the back of his neck. "Thanks! I hope you like them as much as Amethyst does. But..." He lowered his voice to a whisper. "Its kind of hard to beat Amethyst at an eating contest."

We both laughed. Amethyst turned to look at us from where she was knelt, cleaning glass off the floor. "What are you two laughing about?" She asked, her visible eye narrowing.

"Nothing, nothing," I waved a hand, trying to conceal a smile. "Just that you have a very ample appetite."

"Oh," She started to laugh as well. "Its only gotten worse since Steven introduced me to new food. Man, the kid has good taste! We really need to take you down to this place in the city, they have the best fry bits!"

Ah, something else I didn't know about. "Fry bits?" I asked, embarrassed yet again.

"Oh, right..." Amethyst looked a little embarrassed too. "I forgot you aren't really with the times. Well fry bits are..."

She proceeded to go off on one of her rants. I stood up from the couch, which I had evidently fell asleep on at some point. I suspected it was somewhere between Steven reading me one of his books, and Amethyst getting frustrated at a 'video game'...whatever that was. I didn't sleep often, but when I did it was a deep, and sometimes prolonged slumber. The dream still haunted me as I listened to Amethyst explain what fry bits were, as well as what french fries and hamburgers were. Simultaneously, we worked at creating 'pancakes'. A flat, cake-like breakfast staple that Amethyst insisted be made into various shapes.

It was amusing to watch them create a cat, a sword, a lance, two gauntlets, and a whip. I recognized the shapes as being references to the weapons of the Crystal Gems, and I found that heartening. As of now Steven seemed to honestly care about them, which wasn't particularly surprising, they had raised him after all. And protected him from whatever dangers Homeworld had thrown at the dissipating team. Garnet and Pearl came out of their rooms a few minutes after Steven had set the table. Pearl didn't seem eager to see me, but muttered a polite greeting before praising Steven for making a lovely breakfast. Though she made it clear she wasn't going to consume any of it, not to anyone's surprise.

Garnet was willing to eat, however, and of course Amethyst was as well. Steven seemed thrilled with the turnout, evidently these occurrences were rare. We sat around the coffee table to consume our pancakes, and a strange yellow...thing that Steven called eggs. Garnet looked a little funny, seeing as she was so much taller than the table she opted to hold her plate as she ate her gauntlet shaped pancakes and 'scrambled' eggs. Pearl lectured Amethyst when she swallowed her entire breakfast, including the plate, in one vicious chomp.

"Its just not good manners," She muttered, crossing her arms.

Steven, a little uncomfortable with the confrontation, urged me gently. "You should eat before it gets cold."

I blinked, unsure what that meant. "Alright," I agreed, picking up my fork. Though I hesitated at the eggs, the pancakes were delightful. Fluffy and airy, with the occasional burst of flavor from the blueberries. A somewhat tart, but mostly sweet taste. Steven was more than happy to oblige me when I asked about the sticky substance he had slathered onto his pancakes.

"Its called syrup," He explained, "Its really good. And sweet. Do you want to try some?"

"I think I would like that."

I did, very much so. Though I wasn't crazy about the stickiness. Pearl seemed to find it hilarious when I got some syrup in my hair, which may or may not have been because I was eating too fast.

"I think it suits you," She said.

"Hah-Hah," I resisted the urge to roll my eyes at her and used the water from the glass sitting in front of me to whisk the syrup out of my hair.

Steven watched me in fascination, but the others didn't so much as blink. "You told me you couldn't control water."

I smiled, a little smugly, perhaps. "I said I had no real power over it."

"Wh-" He paused suddenly, smirking. "You're teasing me."

I laughed, "Maybe just a little. I don't control water. I haven't mastered my powers yet. At best I can summon a small sphere, and make bubbles."

His eyes sparkled at the mention of bubbles. "I wish I could do that."

"Perhaps you can," It wasn't entirely impossible, I think. "We don't know the full extent of your powers yet."

"Yeah," He rubbed at the back of his neck, blushing. "But most of my powers come from my mom. And she couldn't control water. Or, I think she couldn't..."

I tried to seem casual at the mention of Rose. But I thought I might have had a little touch of emotion in my voice. "She didn't."

"Speaking of powers," Pearl interjected, "How are yours?"

I wasn't thrilled with the question, but I had been anticipating it. "My powers are relatively the same as the last time you saw me. I just can't summon my weapon, so I rely on forged ones instead."

"Isn't that hard?" Steven asked, "And why can't you summon your weapon anymore?"

"Steven-" Pearl started, her stern voice on.

I cut her off. "It is hard. But your mother fought with a forged weapon and did wondrous things with it. I figure I can do the same if I work hard enough."

"That doesn't explain why-"

"I was getting to that, Pearl." I said icily. "I'm not sure why I can't summon my weapon anymore. I suspect it has something to due with the fact that my gem is faded, but we can worry about that at a later time. I am more than capable-"

"If that's true," Pearl smirked, and I saw smugness behind it. "Then why don't we have a sparring session?"


	6. En Garde

Pearl was testing me. Trying to see if I was capable enough for the team, strong enough to carry their name. And, I quickly realized, if I was skilled enough to protect Steven. Though her intentions were noble in her own heart, they stung at my sense of pride and forced me to suppress a scowl. Instead I smiled, trying my best to appear as if she hadn't struck me.

Whether or not she believed it, however, I couldn't tell.

"I don't see a problem with that."

Steven immediately screamed, not of terror, but joy. "Gem fight!" He declared, "Gem fight, gem fight!" He repeated it like a song, prancing about the table, collecting what remained of breakfast.

Amethyst looked horrified, then quickly hid it behind a passive expression. Garnet, as usual, provided nothing but a blank face.

"Steven," Pearl sounded strained, "I'm not so sure you need to-"

"I think its a great idea," Garnet interjected.

All of us turned to look at her with an equal amount of surprise. She didn't appear miffed by it, though, and continued on. "Steven is a Crystal Gem just like the rest of us. Hes seen a fair amount of combat by now, it shouldn't be too scary to watch the two of you duel. Its not like you two are going to be trying to kill each other."

Pearl went stiff at those words. I hoped that wasn't because she had been intending to kill me. She never struck me as that type of person, so I doubted it. But still, we had never been close, friendly, but not close. If anything we tolerated each other's presence out of mutual respect for the cause. So, from what I knew about Pearl, she only cringed because she hated to be scolded. And given her status as a Pearl, that didn't surprise me.

"Just make sure hes away from the fight," Pearl sighed, placing a hand on her hip. "Amethyst, could you come with me? I might need your help cleaning up the grounds..."

"Sure thing, Pearl."

Amethyst caught me off guard with her display of non-reluctance. She had always been a bit on the lazy side, and not that it bothered me, but it frustrated Pearl to no end. To see her offering no protest in this situation was not something I had seen coming. Yet all the same, she stood and followed Pearl to the warp pad, no complaints uttered. Steven was buzzing around the kitchen, washing dishes, putting away silverware, all the typical activities that followed a meal. Garnet stood, nodded silently at me, and departed through the warp pad. Leaving me completely alone with Steven.

I watched him for a little while. He hummed to himself as he scrubbed the dishes, an old tune I recognized as one of Greg's inspirations. I wondered where Greg was, but quickly sent that question away. If I had to guess where he was, he was either asleep, or at work. To my understanding her owned a car wash now, which was surprising, as it did not strike me as something he would be interested in doing.

Steven turned to me suddenly, smiling. "Are you excited?" He inquired, "About the duel? Its probably been awhile since you fought another Gem, huh?"

"Almost twenty years..." I mumbled, "I wasn't interesting in fighting after the war, but I conceded to a sparring session once."

"With who?"

I fiddled with one of the longer ends of my hair, unsure if I should answer truthfully. "It was with another Crystal Gem."

That only seemed to make him more curious. Of course, I should have seen that coming, the only Crystal Gems he'd seen were the ones around him currently. "Who was it? Pearl? Is that why she wants to fight you now?"

I was thrown, by my own stupidity, into a corner.

"No. I don't think hes here anymore, he-"

"He?" Steven looked puzzled, "There are boy Gems?"

"Of-" I faltered, genuinely confused. "Of course there are. Did the others tell you there weren't?"

His face turned red and he turned away, wiping at an invisible spot on the plate. "No! I just-I never asked I guess. The only Gems I've met are girls."

'So my suspicions were correct, he isn't here...I wonder what happened.' "The majority of Gems are female. There are, however, males as well. Perhaps not as common, but they do exist. There are also more masculine females, and more feminine males."

"So Ruby is...a boyish girl?"

"You know about Ruby?" My eyes widened slightly. "Garnet told you?"

"Oh, well..." He rubbed the back of his neck, his blush deepening. "She didn't really *tell* me. I found out when we were captured by Jasper. He used this weapon to make her unfuse, and I had to get them back together. They're really nice..."

So much had happened while I was gone, I was struggling to keep up with it all. Steven continued to astound me with his knowledge, and equal lack of. "So they are."

I stood. The dress I had worn to bed would not due for a duel, especially with Pearl, so I changed. In a flash the dark fabric was replaced with my old battle gear. Both pieces of the outfit were skin tight, but flexible, and black, pure black. Steven was watching me with an expression of great curiosity, almost like he was unsure of how to act around me. And I didn't blame him either. Allowing a smile to play on my lips I extended a hand in his direction.

"Coming?" I asked.

His face lit up with radient joy, and suddenly my smile felt less fake. He abandoned the sink and took my hand, eagerly pulling me to the warp pad. "Lets go!" He squealed excitedly, and I laughed.

Still I was afraid. The warp only made my discomfort greater. The breakfast I had eaten settled dangerously and made my stomach foil. The Sky Arena was much as I remembered it, with a few new crumbles here and there. It was a lovely day, bright and cheerful, a sharp contrast to the situation. Amethyst and Pearl were moving a few large pieces of broken stone away from the grounds, while Garnet moved yet larger ones. I set about helping them while Steven handled smaller, more proportionate pieces. When we were finished, Pearl took a sword from a nearby rack and swung it a few times over her head.

My stomach protested again as I took my own weapon from the stealth strapped to my side. It's keen edge glittered in the light, and I suddenly realized that it had not yet tasted the bite of a true fight. This sparring session was it's debut. Pearl stood several feet away from me, peering over my shoulder to assure that the rest of our group was a safe distance away. Satisfied, we both sank into the en garde position.

A smug smile apppeared on her face and my blood went cold.

"Begin," came Garnet's order.

And we both lunged.


	7. Lets Roll

Pearl struck first, slicing toward my exposed chest. In a flurry of movement I caught her blade just before it descended. The sound of metal on metal rang through the quiet battlefield, and somewhere distantly there came a small gasp. Pearl and I danced, exchanging a series of complex and bruising blows. Neither of us were gaining advantage, and that seemed to frustrate Pearl. More and more her pinched face became angrier, intense with a furious, driven focus. I admit it was admirable, what was it like to be that dedicated?

Our swords met again, scraping against one another. The curved blade of mine winked in the harsh sunlight, sending the rays into Pearl's eyes. Were she human, she would have flinched, but she was not human. She pushed against me hard, with surprising strength for someone so thin. I pushed back with equal measure, gritting my teeth. My grip faltered somewhat, however, and Pearl swept her blade under mine, attempting to flick it aside. She did not succeed, however, as I sensed the danger and danced away, even though her sword cut my arm as I retreated.

It stung somewhat, but the wound was not lethal. No injury would be fatal in this fight. Gripping the leather hilt in my hand tighter, I swung towards Pearl, who parried the blow. We fought fiercely for another minute, seeking power over the other, to no avail. It would be hard-pressed to call this a duel any longer, this was a fight. Pearl did not intend to kill me, but I could see it in her face, she wanted to *win*. And she wanted me to lose, but not just that, she wanted to hurt my pride. She wanted to prove to the others that I was weak, and unworthy, or not capable of fighting against Homeworld. It made me angry, a bubbling force that awakened new vigor in me.

Slashing at her leg, I managed to knock her to one knee. Handicapped, she swung fiendishly toward my sword arm, trying to dislodge the weapon from my hand. She almost succeeded, but missed by a thin margin. The tip of my sword tapped her chest, and her whole body froze under its touch.

"Dead," I announced, trying not to feel smug.

Pearl looked angry, and rightfully so, but sounded unusually calm when she spoke. "You're not as bad as I thought. Good job."

I pulled the blade away from her, allowing her the chance to rise to her feet. She brushed dust from her clothes, lips drawn into a tight line. "You didn't do so bad yourself," I offered, not being dishonest.

She looked up, but quickly returned her gaze to her clothes. "Thank you."

"That was AWESOME!" Steven called, slapping his hands to his cheeks. "You guys were so fast, I almost didn't see the swords!"

"It was a good fight," Garnet chipped in, "You've had good practice."

"Thanks, Garnet." I said, smiling.

Amethyst swung an arm over Steven's shoulders, grinning. "Whadya think of your first Gem fight in years? Was it awesome?"

I contemplated my response, glancing over my shoulder at Pearl. Garnet stood beside her now, offering words of praise. That seemed to brighten her spirits, but her shoulders were still slumped in defeat. "It was challenging. Its been too long since I exchanged blows with a worthy opponent."

Pearl looked up, and offered a thin smile, but nothing more.

"You fight really well, Azurite." Steven said, his cheeks turning pink. "Peridot won't know what hit her!"

Peridot. Garnet had mentioned something about the Gem in her letter. Apparently she was still on Earth, though not by choice, and was loyal to Yellow Diamond. The name alone struck a nervous chord in my body. Yellow Diamond was, by all relative accounts, a fearsome foe. It was unfortunate that The Crystal Gems had angered her, but unavoidable. Homeworld still hadn't forgiven them for the rebellion, anyway, sooner or later they would have ended up offending someone. For the time being, Yellow Diamond remained on Homeworld, and was trusting Peridot on earth for someone unknown project or purpose. Which meant that we had to find her, as soon as possible.

"What is she like?" I asked, sheathing my weapon.

"Shes annoying," Amethyst spat with a dramatic eye-roll. "She has this *really* nasally voice, and she thinks shes so high and mighty. She can't even use her weapon. Plus shes always calling us 'clods' whatever the heck that means."

"Idiot," I translated, a little smile on my face. "Roughly translated."

Amethyst's face turned from annoyance to anger. "Shes the idiot."

"I don't think shes an idiot," Steven protested. "I think she can be kinda nice. She just doesn't know earth yet, but that's okay, we can teach her."

"Um," I hated to be the voice of reason, but Steven was wrong. "We'll have to see about that, Steven. Gems like her don't tend to change their mind often."

"But you were all Homeworld Gems once."

The argument wasn't invalid. We all *had* been loyal to Homeworld before joining Rose Quartz's cause. But it was of little consequence now, it was far, far in the past. "A very long time ago."

"But my mom changed your minds," he continued. "And I'm a lot like my mom so I think I can too! If I try hard enough, I can do anything."

The boy's optimism was surprising. Surely he knew, at least in part, that the force we were against was massive. Far greater, older, and more technologically advanced. We were a group five up against an army of possibly thousands. Still, I couldn't find it in my heart to break his, so I relented, somewhat.

"Homeworld is still a dangerous enemy. And its inhabitants are just the same, we need to exercise caution around them."

"Yeah, exercise will keep us in shape for the big fight!"

"Um...That's not quite what I meant."

He waved me off, grabbing my hand in his. "Come on! Lets go celebrate! Have you ever had a doughnut before? They're the best, and the Big Doughnut makes the best of the best!"

The idea of a doughnut, smothered in delectable chocolate icing, made my mouth water. I really shouldn't be eating as much as I was, but in the moment, I didn't care. Dropping my sword on the ground, I scooped Steven easily into my arms.

"Lets roll."


	8. The Doughnut Man

The moment Steven and I stepped inside the 'Big Doughnut' the eyes belonging to the boy behind the counter fell straight on me. The skin around his eyes wrinkled as he squinted, looking me up and down. He wasn't particularly unattractive, but he certainly wasn't handsome.

"Hey, Lars," Steven chirped, dragging me by the hand toward the counter. "I'd like you to meet the newest Crystal Gem, her name is Azurite."

Lars, as he was apparently named, looked at me scornfully. "She doesn't look like much to me."

I narrowed my eyes dangerously. Almost immediately, his own went wide like dinner plates, and he took a step backward. Steven was quick to diffuse the situation, however. "Neither does Amethyst," he said jokingly, "But you've seen how strong she is."

I wasn't sure whether to take the comparison as an insult or a praise. Lars scoffed, burying his hands in his pockets. "Whatever, it doesn't affect me anyhow. What do you two want?"

"Be nice, Lars!" A scolding, woman voice came from the back. I strained my neck trying to see who it was, but the woman was seemingly reluctant to reveal herself. Or she was working on something important, who knew.

Lar's jaw worked, but he said nothing in response to the woman. In a sweeter, but highly sarcastic tone, he asked again. "What can I get for you?"

"I'd like one of those," I said, pointing to a chocolate covered beauty.

He flinched under my voice, but only for a second. Dropping at the waist, he collected my prize and wrapped it properly, then turned to Steven. "The usual?"

"Oh, Lars," He cooed affectionately, "You know me so well!"

The teenager rolled his eyes and gathered up several doughnuts smothered under a thick blanket of sprinkles. "That'll be fifteen dollars," he said.

I went to reach for my pocket, which held a small deposit of cash that I'd stored in preparation for dealing with humans. But Steven was quicker, and presented Lars with two crumpled bills. I squinted, looking at them closely. Was it just me, or had they gotten...greener? Lars took the money and shoved it in the register, offering no change, which meant that Steven must have intended part of his offering as a tip.

"Thank you for your business," He said, handing them the bag that contained their goodies.

Steven beamed, "Thank you, Lars. I'll see you again soon," He then rose his voice to a boom and shouted, "Bye Sadie! Keep Lars smiling!"

The voice which had scolded Lars earlier resonated from the back again. "Bye, Steven! I'll be sure to do that!"

The boy laughed, taking my hand in his free one. Together we vacated the building, stepping out into the warm air outside. The sun was hanging lower in the sky now, casting peach tones over Beach City. It wasn't so late, however, that Steven and I had to worry about returning right away. We settled down on a bench overlooking the beach and tucked into our doughnuts. They hadn't changed much from the last time I'd eaten one, they were incredibly delicious. Steven offered me one of his, which was covered in sticky pink icing and colorful sprinkles. I accepted his offer and took a bite. Sweet, artificially flavored fruit taste filled my mouth along with the pleasant softness of the doughnut. It was good, but not as nice as chocolate.

I didn't decline eating it, however, and silently chewed while gazing out at the ocean. The sunlight reflected in brilliant white bars over its crystalline face. I was transfixed by it, as I had always been, and felt a silent pull leading me closer to it. For once, though, I refused to answer it. It would be extremely rude to leave Steven by himself at this point, or at least that's what I suspected. Human customs probably hadn't changed in that regard. Tearing my gaze away, I tilted my head toward the sky and breathed in deeply. Salt flooded my nostrils, and coated my tongue in a thick coating. My body pulsed, throbbing with the constant, slow beating in my gem. I felt so content in that moment. Why had I ever chosen to leave?

The answer floated to the surface of my thoughts, but was whisked away in another wave of salt air. For some obscene reason, I felt the urge to dance again. Maybe it had something to do with the music filtering out from a nearby business. Or perhaps it was the happiness that hung over me, curling its soft embrace over my body. I couldn't find the right words to describe my reasoning. I could only explain that the urge was there, and my limbs started to shake as I suppressed it.

Desperate for a distraction, I turned to Steven. He was watching me with rapt attention, but quickly turned away when he realized he'd been caught staring. I smiled when he shoved a large bite of food into his tiny mouth, and watched a soft pink flood to his cheeks. "Its okay," I said sweetly, "I'm used to people staring at me."

"Pearl says staring is rude," Steven mumbled around his mouthful.

"And I bet shes told you talking with your mouth full is rude, too."

Steven looked up at me, shocked. "How did you know that?"

I laughed, brushing my hand through my spiky hair. "She told me the same thing many, many times."

Steven laughed, his eyes filling with stars. "Shes a little strict sometimes," he said, his voice growing softer. "But she only does it because she loves me."

"That's a very grown-up perspective," I said, tilting my head.

"Well I had to grow up fast. The Gems needed me to, and my dad..." He faltered, suddenly grinning. "You like my dad."

"What-" I stammered, suddenly realizing I'd smiled when he mentioned Greg. "I do not."

Steven's nose scrunched, and he gagged. "Gross, not like that! I just meant, you know him. You like him a lot, like a friend. You smiled when I brought him up."

"Oh." I said dumbly, tapping my fingers against my leg.

A mischievous smile curved the corners of Steven's mouth. "Do you wanna go see him?"

My eyes must have lit up, because Steven laughed. Sobering myself, I stood, practically bouncing on my feet. "Please take me to see Mr. Universe."


	9. Hey, Mr Universe!

Steven guided me to the local car wash. I smiled fondly at the building, and the trademark can parked out front. My body was thrumming with excitement. Out of all that I'd left behind, Greg was one of the top five things I'd missed the most. His laugh especially, it always had a way of cheering me up. Walking ahead of Steven, I banged loudly thrice on the van door.

"Hey, Mr. Universe!" I yelled, hearing Steven laugh behind me. "Come out here and hug me!"

There was a loud shuffling sound from inside. Several small crashes followed, probably his junk toppling down from various storage spots. I grinned, that man hadn't changed a bit.

"Azurite?" An excited, almost unbelieving voice called, and then the doors swung open. A wide, happy grin spread across Greg's tanned face, and I swear I saw tears in his eyes. "Oh my gosh!" he exclaimed, "I can't believe it's you!"

I jumped forward and seized hold of my old friend. We hugged each other fiercely, laughing all the while. Greg still hugged just the same. I felt myself blinking back tears, and my laughs steadily dropped into concealed sobs. "I missed you," I choked out, hugging him tighter.

"I missed you too," he said softly, "What are you even doing here?"

I looked up, cocking my head slightly. "Nobody told you?"

"I told you yesterday, Dad!" Steven said, putting his hands on this hips.

"Oh yeah," He rubbed the back of his neck, blushing slightly, but still smiling. "Guess I thought you meant another Gem."

I rolled my eyes and playfully punched him in the chest. He recoiled with an exclamation of "ow!" making me laugh. "I see how it is, man. You don't take me seriously!"

" I do to!" he protested, "I just-well, I guess I thought you wouldn't..."

A lump formed in my throat. I swallowed past it and forced a smile. "I understand, Greg."

"Well I don't," Steven interrupted, plopping down on the ground. "Why wouldn't you come? You're an amazing fighter!"

I paused, unsure of how to respond. Greg looked like he was going to say something, but I quickly cut him off. "Thank you, Steven. But not everything depends on ones fighting skills. I think what your dad," the term rolled off my tongue strangely, it felt so odd calling Greg a dad. "Was referring to the events that led me to leave the Crystal Gems."

"Oh," He frowned somewhat, "Why...why did you leave anyway?"

Another lump formed under the first, pushing down on my vocal chords. How was I going to respond to that?

Greg saved me, bless that man. "Steven, I don't think you should ask her those kinds of personal questions."

"I'm sorry," Steven said quickly, "I was just curious. Garnet wouldn't tell me when I asked, I was hoping..."

I nodded, catching his meaning. "Its only natural to be curious. I'm not mad at you, Steven. But I really don't think I can answer your question in full right now. But I can say that my reasons were...complicated. I wasn't in a very good place when I left."

He looked back up, sympathy on his face. "I'm sorry."

I slid down from the van and grabbed one of his hands in mine. It was soft, doughy, and warm against me. Gently, I pressed a kiss against his forehead, trying to soothe him of any negative emotion. "Don't be..." And the next words came out slowly, for I was only now coming to terms with their meaning.

"Its not your fault."

And it wasn't. None of it...and whatever feelings I had toward Rose, they didn't matter now. Steven wasn't Rose. I had to realise that if I was going to survive this.

The little boy looked up and give me a little smile. I returned it, then stood, stretching my arms over my head. "Hey Greg," I turned around to face him, "Still got the old equipment?"

That lit his face up. "Of course I do!" He jumped up excitedly, turning to rummage around in the back of the van. "Somewhere in here..."

I scoffed, chuckling. "Do you need any help?"

"Dads always losing stuff," Steven teased, "We'd probably get lost trying to help him!"

Greg chastised us both. But in the end he declined our help. Steven and I sat while he looked around, talking and trading stories. I told him about the time Greg and Amethyst were messing around with a chemistry set, which also, quite by accident, brought up the topic of my male friend and our involvement with Greg's music. I blushed reminiscing that story. And a part of myself started to wonder, then, just what had happened to that friend after I left. Had something happened? Unlikely, so where was he?

"I have a picture of you two at that concert," Greg announced, producing a crumpled photograph from within a disheveled book.

"I want to see!" Steven cooed excitedly, bouncing forward. I hesitated at first, but reluctantly followed.

Onyx and I were on stage. His hair, black and styled to cover one of his eyes, was glistening in the artificial light. His light grey skin looked positively alabaster. More than a foot taller than me, he had to bend almost in half to kneel down at my level so I could throw my arm over his neck. He was smiling in the picture, his visible red eye shining with happiness. I had my other arm high in the air, my fist pumping up in the human's 'rock on' gesture. I wore my limited edition blue Mr. Universe sweatshirt and ripped jeans with a studded black belt. My hair was styled the same as it was now, short and spiked, only it was several shades darker and shot with the occasional green. My skin, then a dark, *dark* blue, was a stark sky color when I looked down at it now. The only thing that hadn't changed about my physical features, I realized, was my eyes. The left was still mint green, and the right was still crystal blue.

"You still have the same piercings," Greg laughed, pointing at my septum, then my lips, brows, and ears.

" You both look so cool!" Steven squealed, grabbing the photo wit both hands.

I smiled grimly, running my fingers over my pale hand. "We did," I said, feeling my stomach drop.

So much had changed since I left. Home was starting to feel more like a hotel...

But then Greg moved a box and produced an electric guitar from behind it. We both grinned wildly, and he passed it to me.

"Up for a jam?" He asked.

In response, I struck a violent chord. If the instrument had actually been plugged into an amp, it would have made a killer sound. "Always."


	10. A Lesson In

I started out slow, trying to remember my old lessons. I struck another chord and it produced a loud, booming sound that sent chills down my spine. A smile lit up my face as everything came back to me. With wild abandon I started to play, dancing over the familiar notes with practiced ease. Behind me, Greg pounded on the drums with an enthusiasm that rivaled even Amethyst. Steven stood in front of both of us, watching in awe. Almost out of instinct I lift my voice up and sing, the lyrics carrying for miles. I don't care. I can't be bothered to in my state.

Exhilaration. Its filling me to the brim. My sense of reality fading slightly as I slide back into the performance side of myself. My voice, our song, is ringing in my ears and its all I can hear. Soon even Steven's face fades somewhat, but I can still make out that he's smiling. I turn slightly to look back at Greg and grin, and I see him do so in return. We stop, my throat oddly raw, and end our performance. Steven starts clapping, his little hands moving frantically.

"Encore!" He demands, and we deliver.

We play far longer than we should have. A small crowd builds, I realize this somewhere between two songs. I couldn't recognize any faces, though, in my momentary high. Greg even sings for us, and I take over the drums in his absence. The moon crawls its way into the sky and lights us all in pale shadows. Its at this point that we decide to call it quits, and I smile as Greg lifts a sleepy Steven into his arms. He tries to protest against us, "I'm not tired" he kept insisting, but he ended up falling asleep on Greg's shoulder. In the moment I can't help but feel something, though I can't identify what exactly. I run my fingers through Steven's little bush of hair and press my lips against his forehead.

"Sweet dreams, little man." I whisper, and he stirs a little, as if he heard me.

Greg hands Steven over to Garnet, who carries him up to his bed. Pearl stands off to the side, clearly a bit irritated that we stayed out till dark. But she didn't dare say anything about it, at least not in the moment. Greg turns to me and smiles.

"It was nice seeing you again," He said.

I hug him, pulling him tight against me. "Thank you for agreeing to see me."

He pats the top of my head and I scowl at him, but he brushes it off. "Anytime. We're friends, right?"

"Yeah," I agreed, a little breathless. I hadn't expected he'd forgive me so easily. I hadn't expected anyone to forgive me, not fully. But here I was now, forgiven, and unsure of how to take it.

He turned away and walked off into the night. I watch him for awhile, just to make sure he makes it safely. I lean against the railing once he's gone and watch the rolling waves, the strangest feelings pulsing through me. Love. I can feel it tugging at the deepest core of my being. Is this what Rose felt? I close my eyes, feeling tears start to roll down my face. Yes. This had to be what she felt. What else could promote her to make the sacrifice that she did? Everything made sense then, and I crumbled under the weight of my new responsibility. I feel comforting arms around me and look up to see Garnet there, reassuring me in that special way that she has.

I allow myself to feel it. For the first time in years, relying on someone else to help me through my emotions.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered this repeatedly, but I couldn't decide who I was talking to. Garnet or Rose?

Whoever it was, I felt the soft, reassuring touch of family. And when I finally retreated indoors, even Pearl was kind enough to offer me a smile.

The next morning rolled around and we woke Steven up with breakfast. His smile alighted that feeling in me again. Happiness. Pure and undisturbed, and bliss, sweet and ample. I couldn't remember why I'd hated this child so much before. He sat at the table, shoving eggs into his mouth and yammering excitedly to the other Gems about last night's performance

And in that moment, I actually felt pride. Not just for myself, but for him. This little boy Rose left behind. I clenched my fists tightly under the table. Determination surging through me at a pace I hadn't felt since Onyx.

I would protect him with everything I had. Even if it meant giving up that which I held dearest.

My life.


	11. Sandcastles

Steven and I were sitting on the beach. He was teaching me how to build sandcastles. I watched with slight interest as he carved little patterns into the soggy sand with the corner of his plastic shovel. While he did that, I was supposed to be searching for shells. But after finding a considerable amount already, somehow the task didn't seem very important. He carved a star shape into one side of the castle, which took a considerable amount of effort without something to trace. I had to admit it was a good looking star, if a bit elongated and crooked.

"Good job, Steven." I cooed, leaning closer to further examine his little creation.

He smiled, "Thanks!"

I looked back at the small pile of seashells I'd collected and picked one up, pressing it into the sand above the star. "What do you think of that?"

Steven considered it, putting his fingers to his chin and making a "Hmm" sound. It was hard not to giggle at how desperately he was trying to look serious. "It looks good..." He said slowly, "But..."

"It needs more shells?"

His eyes lit up, and one little hand dove into the pile. "Yeah! Tons of 'em."

I laughed and sat back to watch him decorate the castle. Part of me was compelled to join him, but he was having such a great time doing it himself, I kept my urges under check. At some point during my observation, my eyes naturally slid past him and to the water. Little fish were swimming in the shallows today, and I saw a crab lounging under a large rock. Bits of seaweed swayed delicately in the push and pull of the tide, and further away, I heard a seagull chattering noisily. Steven seemed oblivious, though, and put all his concentration into his imaginary kingdom. At this point, he was talking about how to properly built a moat, and was showing me the basics of digging. I wasn't paying much attention, though, but nodded along with his little lecture nonetheless.

A few minutes later, our kingdom was in place. We'd even built a little drawbridge with a piece of broken driftwood. Sea shells adorned the 'door' and 'windows' and hung proudly above the little star Steven had carved into the front of the castle. It was a fine creation, for a human child, and it was something of a pity that it would be swept away by tomorrow. Steven grabbed a few nearby sticks and started to gather them into bunches, I watched, curious as to what he could be doing now. He didn't provide explanation, but went on to create five vaguely human figures out of scattered twigs. When he was done, he stuck them into various positions on the castle's roof.

"This one is Pearl," He said with a laugh, pointing at a skinny stick person. "And then here's Garnet, Amethyst, you, and me! I'd make one of dad, but I ran out of sticks." He pouted, pursing his little lips outward.

"Why don't you go find some more?" I suggested.

He glanced back at me, then up at the sky. "Because I think Pearl wants me home for lunch about now."

"Oh..." I wavered, "Well, I could do it if you want. Find more sticks I mean, and we could start building again after lunch."

"You mean it?" He said brightly, his former cheer restored.

I smiled, nodding. "Sure, why not?"

"Thanks!" He threw his arms around me, hugging tight. I cringed momentarily, still not quite used to his semi-aggressive hugging style...Or hugs in general, really. In my youth, I'd been quite the cuddler, but it seemed my time alone had swallowed that part of me, at least currently.

"No problem," I mumbled, watching him run back toward the beach house.

When he was gone, I stood up and started my search for sticks. It was a relatively easy, and not very time consuming process. I had a good pile built up within ten minutes or so, and Steven was still inside. I briefly considered joining him, but ultimately decided against it. A moment to myself didn't sound terribly awful. I sat on the sand in front of the water, dragging my fingers through the rushing current. It slid effortlessly over my skin, gliding on its invisible course. It was unusually warm for the season, but I didn't particularly mind. A baby fish, which was skinnier than my pink finger, swam up and started to suck on the pad of my thumb. I giggled, mostly because it tickled, but also because a few others swam up and started to imitate the first. Fish see, fish do.

They retreated as I withdrew my hand. I sat with my arms wrapped around my knees and stared out blankly at the calm water. It was so peaceful in my moment alone that I could have curled up and fallen asleep there on the warm sands. But instead, I was left to wait for the little boy with curly hair. I drew in the sand with the tip of my finger, further contemplating that little boy. He'd grown to love me, at least enough that he treated me nicely, but then again I'd never seen him bitter toward anyone. He was alike to his mother in that way. Yet as much as Steven loved me, did I love him in return? That day I jammed with Greg, I felt that I did, but now the bitterness had seeped back into me, and my heart had turned cold. It was not animosity or hatred for the boy himself, but rather myself. A growing irriation targeted at my core. It was showing in my more reluctant mannerisms, and the others seemed to be picking up on it.

A dark spot appears across the water. I squint at it, trying to discern what it was. But at the distance it was it could have been anything. A boat probably. There were plenty of them out at the moment, and all of them were blasting hip music. Except one, which was projecting a frisky instrumental number. It dug under my skin in the most plesant way. The object was getting closer, and I felt danger signals coming off it.

"Hey, Azur-"

I stood up, ushering Steven back toward the house. What ever creature that was approaching, I didn't want him to be around to see it up close.


End file.
